Novels Review

Cover Snark: The Crotch Check Pose

Written by ibxis

It’s a Monday! Can we interest you in some Cover Snark?

Orion by Tasha Black.  A very oily, shirtless man with long, neon blue hair is gazing down at his crotch.

From Amy: Is this cover snark worthy? or is it just another alien dude checking himself out?

Sarah: Both? Both. Yes, both.

Amanda: There are so many.

Sarah: What are they looking for? Are they surprised? Is this a conversation?

Amanda: Wait a sec, this wasn’t here a minute ago.

Elyse: So. Shiny.

Sarah: Did it just bring me a beer? Nice!

Carrie: Every time we have this kind of cover I have the same comment: I appreciate a positive body image and self-pleasure, and yet I feel that anyone that enamored of their own genitalia is not going to be that into me.

Let's Get Naughty romance anthology.  A buff dude in a Santa outfit.  He's pulling his coat open to reveal his pecs and once again, looking down at his crotch.

From Meg

Sarah: Why. Why are there so many covers of dudes looking down at their junk. Why. WHY.

Was there a cover model mandate, like “Everybody! Look down!”

Instead of listening to the Men Without Hats directive that “everybody look at your hands” the cover models get, “LOOK DOWN. NOW.”

Lara: It’s exhausting!

Shana: I just do not get this mandate. Has it ever been hot? I can’t think of a single cover where it worked

Carrie: Let’s not.

Amanda: I just picture him as a mall Santa. Sir, this is a Sbarro.

Stealing the Bachelor by Sonya Weiss.  A man and woman are lying in the grass kissing.  She has on a purple dress with buttons the size of a child's palm.  The man is a rather generic brunette.

Amanda: I can’t stop laughing at those comically large buttons

Maya: Do you think the help she needs from the bachelor is figuring out all manner of fasteners?

Amanda: “You know these could be smaller. They have the technology now.”

Sarah: This is another cover pose that baffles me. Who lies down like this?

Within Alien Arms by Nissa Claugh.  A headless, shirtless man with spots.  He also has four arms, but they're so close together that it looks like he also has just two enormous, bulbous arms instead.

AJ: I know we already snarked this same book but I just need you all to know that WITHIN ALIEN ARMS HAS A SECOND COVER.

I’m honestly finding this one even more confusing. What’s wrong with his skin? Is it like, that crackle glaze pottery? Is he microwave safe? SO MANY QUESTIONS

Amanda: My brain is just blaring Creed’s “With Arms Wide Open”

Tara: This has been in my head all day since reading this comment this morning.

Amanda: I’m so sorry.

Elyse: Did anyone see two giant arms not four? Or is that just me?

Susan: How do those shoulders work???

Sarah: I want to give this individual a very large tub of Eucerin.

AJ: So I’m reading the four armed alien book because I had so much dang fun with the pandas I wanted to read more crazy covers. It was actually going really good but then they just like…start kissing randomly in the middle of a serious conversation about intergalactic politics. Also like 5 minutes after they meet. And maybe I’m just a slow burn bitch but ARGH this makes no narrative sense and it BOTHERS ME.

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